It is one of those days again. Nothing seems to work out or go your way. Every little thing is a struggle and takes a lot of effort on your part. You know what I am talking about! You are probably sitting there thinking: ‘Tell me about it!’
Well I had just experienced one of those days – again. ;-) I had to get away from it all, so I went outside to catch some fresh air and to step away from the overwhelming tension for a minute. I asked the universe to please give me guidance…”because I just don’t know what to do anymore”….
Well I wasn’t expecting an answer back but really just wanted to let it out. To my surprise I heard a very calm but strong voice in my head saying:
“What is it that you desire?”
A little perplexed I thought, ‘well you are God aren’t you supposed to know already!’ No answer. So I started to think about the question. What is it that I want? Well that’s easy, what everybody wants: a good income so that I can support my family, be happy and fulfilled in my personal as well as professional life. “But what does that mean!” Here was the voice again. I don’t know if it was me asking myself or if I was really talking to God, but that didn’t really matter. Well it means that I want to be successful in my business ventures financially in order to be able to contribute to my family’s income as well as having my work appreciated and recognized, because it means a lot to me so I of course want people to appreciate and like it as much as I do. “But what does that mean!” said the voice again. I was starting to get a bit annoyed as you can imagine. But I kept on tracing back my wishes and desires, always with the voice in the back of my head saying: “But what does that mean!” I knew then what everybody meant by having crystal clear intentions. I guess I always thought I was crystal clear about what I wanted but I realized that I never really was.
And then it hit me, like I had taken off my blind folds and could see the truth for the first time. With that realization a rush of emotions went through me and brought tears to my eyes. It all happened so quickly and all at once it was a bit overwhelming at first. What I really wanted was to be loved! Those supposed desires of mine where just a clever trick of my ego mind to cover up the real issue. (Being able to pay the bills was of course part of it, but the problem went deeper than that.) Having grown up with my real father abandoning me at a very young age and a mother who was a perfectionist (like all woman in my family) I have always tried to do my best and tried to please everybody. Always trying to prove myself and beating myself up if things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to. For what? - So that I could feel good about myself. I was seeking the acknowledgement, approval, being taken seriously, praise and ultimately love from other people in order to be able to love myself! How silly is that! The hardest part for us is to love ourselves. We help out others all the time, give them advice and tell them how wonderful they are but are unable to have the same compassion for ourselves. Pretty sad don’t you think? Well like they say to addicts: The first step is realizing you have a problem. ;-) The problem that people with a mindset like this have, is that they can actually never reach a goal , or if they do, savor the achievement and be joyous in the moment.
I choose not to be this way anymore. Say it out loud and mean it! We all are beautiful and perfect the way we are. Enjoy your whole being in all its’ entirety and with all its’ facets – good or bad. Be able to recognize the negative for the illusions that they are and embrace them, heal them and ultimately be who you truly are. Do not be afraid of the painful memories or negative emotions that you might uncover. What matters not is what has been but what is still to come. What matters not is what you had done but what you will choose to do in the future. Know yourself and you will know the world. Heal yourself and you will heal the world. Love yourself and you will love the world.
So how does one love themselves, I asked myself! The answer came pretty quickly – ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE HAPPY! Do what brings you joy, be happy and joyous in the moment.
Much love to you friends!